Blog

We are never that far away from success.

Once we have landed on an idea of what we want and take off running towards it, it's hard to fathom how anything can get in our way! But, what do we do to prevent this from happening? Being stubborn is not enough to ensure we succeed.

ANYTHING YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH OR GAIN TO ENHANCE YOUR LIFE
WILL FOLLOW THESE SAME 5 STEPS.

temp-post-image

1-Road Map

*WRITE DOWN YOUR GOAL.
This doesn't mean you can't change or alter your goal as you move down the path towards it, but you have to have an end result in mind.
Think of it like this: You are going to buy a house, you have your mind set on a 3 bedroom, 3 story house with a massive yard. That's what you tell your realtor, and that's what they show you, then one day, they take you to a condo complex, and show you a 3 bedroom townhouse, main floor & basement. You start to realize, 'Hey, I won't have to shovel snow, hey I won't have to mow the lawn, hey there's a school and a playground...' you start to change your goal, your vision of "the perfect house" has altered, but you still have the same elements. Don't be afraid to write down your goal, and allow yourself to make alterations that enhance your original goal. That is the key, alterations must enhance, not diminish.

temp-post-image

2-POA

It is easy to slip into the mind set, of "What am I willing sacrifice for this goal?" It is more palatable to sort out what you know you are willing to do instead of sacrifice. When you start to list what you are willing to do to gain what you want, it is essentially designing a Plan Of Action. The mind space of looking at what you have to sacrifice actually makes it harder to achieve something, be it, Starting a business venture or positioning yourself for a promotion, or even setting yourself up with an online dating profile! It is imperative to sort out what you are really willing to invest into gaining what you want. To get you started, here is a short list of the areas you need to focus on while working out a POA
*Time- how much time are you willing to put towards this? If possible do up a rough draft schedule of when you have time to work or focus completely on this area.
*Cost- How much money are you willing to invest into this? Do a budget to see what your options are for monetary investment.
*Resources- Who and what resources can you rely on, and for what type of support?
These points are very important to have sorted out, a lot of people try to do things in secret, or with an understanding of "I'll do it on my own" neither are realistic and usually set you on a course away from success. Who in your circle can provide support, emotionally, monetary, creatively, to be a sounding board, run idea's past, or any way that help keep you focused and empowered.

3-Dedication

This is not the same thing as commitment.
Commitment is part of what makes up dedication, however, you can be committed to something your not dedicated to.
Dedication is all encompassing, it is fueled by passion, it drives us forward, it helps us over come obstacles, and it always makes sure we land on our feet no matter the outcome.
Commitment is more like a part-time job, we can work really hard when we feel like it, put in whatever energy we have that day, and if we don't get what we want we can hide behind "I didn't put that much into it" conversations.
Dedication is best shown in highly competitive sports, where the persons focus 24/7 is in that sport, they train, they learn everything they can about their competition and about their sport. Same with Oscar-winning actors, they research that role, they eat strategically and exercise to fit that role, learn everything about the persona they are to bring to life and they execute.
Commitment does not carry the same demands.
There is a misconception when it comes to success, which is that commitment is enough, truth is, it's not.
You will accomplish everything you want when you are dedicated to it, the results may look different when you get there, but you will accomplish it.
Dedication is relentless and uncompromising. Commitment is the negotiator, it will compromise more readily than dedication.

temp-post-image

4-Balance

Here is the twist (and contradiction), you need balance, if you are so focused as many dedicated people are, you may lose sight of what's going on around you. Where balance is necessary inside of dedication is to prevent letting it turn into an obsession. You have to be able to unplug, and connect with your surroundings, or "come up for air" in a manner of speaking.
There have been many times where I will get so wrapped up in my work that I pour hours into it when I likely should be resting and giving my mind a moment to regain clarity. I am positive you can all relate to some degree to this.
I can put 10 hours of work in, 5 hours fully awake and 5 hours tired, but I bet if I put in 5 hours of good strong focus and then called it a day, I wouldn't have to go back and review for potential mistakes, which saves time.
Balance, end your day at your day's end and connect with family and friends.

temp-post-image

5-Schedule

Be that person that others make fun of for having to schedule in 'down time'. Otherwise, you will double book yourself with work and events, which will quickly turn your 'events' into obligations.
Once you are in the habit of planning your work/life schedule throughout the week, it will become easier to manage your time. You will be more efficient in how you use your time, which will allow you to delegate tasks to others.
I do not believe in a 50/50 work life balance. The reality is one area will always need more of your time, this will depend on what is happening personally and professionally. Set a pace that works, but ensures that you have scheduled a start and end to your day. Whether it is 9am-5pm or 6am-8pm, it doesn't matter. What matters is that it is functional (doesn't create burn out) and that you are allowing yourself down time.

temp-post-image

I found that this past month there was a trend of people defaulting to a lack of understanding or knowledge about the situations they find themselves in.

So I decided to look deeper into the abyss of this unknowingness to find out what we can do about bringing more awareness to our situations.

We want things to be easy so it is understandable why claiming ignorance inside of our situations is effective. But for how long?

How much of what we resent about these things that "we didn't know" is actually just us reacting to the fact we didn't take care of it previously?

Are we forced into making a tough choice? Or are we being held accountable for not making the tough call in the first place? 'Our biggest cop outs' is this months - Living Large.

Recognizing: The Evolution of Tough Choices
People do not like confrontation. It is not part of what makes us successful as a species, although confrontation is a popular 'go-to' when we feel we are losing control over a situation. It is only when we have, literally, had enough do we create change in our lives. Here is how we deal with tough decisions:

1- Our Need to Be Right:

No one likes to be wrong, it's even harder to be wrong about something when you're up against someone else who doesn't like to be wrong. As fun as being stubborn is, it really doesn't work for successful decision making. When our need to be right prevents us from making a decision not only do we end up suffering, but so do those around us. The only reason why we do this is a lack of confidence in the decision. We'd rather suffer than make a decision we would regret later and wait for the other person to draw the hard line, that way our hands are clean.

2- Our Need to Control:

This kind of decision making is lacking power as well. From this space, we take over and without rationale, we make a decision which is usually in spite of someone else. There are feelings that creep in such as: "Why do I always have to be the bad guy?" or "Why do I always have to be the one to deal with this?" or something along those lines. We usually end up making a decision that is nonproductive in an attempt to not be put in those positions, giving us an opportunity to say "Well, if you didn't always make me decide..."

CONTINUE READING THIS ARTICLE

Read more

temp-post-image

There is a lot of back and forth with boundaries, oddly enough this topic looks an awful lot like a yoyo, one I see a lot of people stuck in.
When asking people what the purpose of boundaries are, I notice a trend in it being an outward projection of how people want others to behave instead of how they want to evoke personal change.
On top of that, at what point do they stop being boundaries and start being limitations?
We need boundaries, it is important for us to teach our children how to function as self-sustaining adults that treat others with dignity and respect!
Wait...
That's not what everyone means by setting boundaries?
If we aren't setting boundaries for our kids in order to get along in the world, then who are we setting boundaries for? At what point does it go from setting a boundary for ourselves to be successful in an area, to becoming a limit set in place to pass off accountability for our lack of success in that same area? Or a limit for a goal we don't necessarily want but feel we should reach.
Setting Boundaries is this month's issue of ~Living Large.

Recognizing Boundaries
This is a tough subject, but one that needs some clarity. We all have our own rule book, that we are allowed to alter at any time, that states just how far we are willing to go until something need to change. We put boundaries (or rules) in place to keep out chaos and keep in self-fulfillment. Sometimes those lines get blurred but setting boundaries fall into one of two categories:

1-Boundaries that enhance our lives:

This form of boundary setting is designed to keep the momentum going in our lives. It's what helps people reach the top of the proverbial mountain, while they are still on the ground sorting out what they need, and how they want to proceed. There is a rhythm to setting boundaries that get us from one point in our lives to another because we are dedicated to an outcome that needs to have boundaries and rules in place to keep us focused on attaining whatever it is we want.

2- Boundaries that take away from our lives:

We set these boundaries to make it easier for us to pass off the responsibility onto others. It is scary sometimes having to be fully responsible for yourself. Picture an Olympic gymnast setting their sights on gold. This person will need to make changes to their sleep patterns, diet, exercise, recreational activities, and lifestyle to achieve this. Positive boundaries would allow that person to put those restrictions in place for themselves, negative boundaries would be putting all that on his friends, calling it "support" and then when they fall short of their goal it is easy to say, "Well, you guys shouldn't order pizza when I am around" or "You guys kept me out too late". Putting boundaries in place that are designed for others to hold you to is only a way for you to limit yourself, and not be accountable for the outcomes you're hoping for.

CONTINUE READING THIS ARTICLE

temp-post-image

There is a lot of confusion when it comes to ego. So much so, that there is this unforeseen limit on how much pride we are allowed to feel about our accomplishments before we risk being egotistical.

Some experts say we need to move past our ego in order to gain enlightenment. Taken in context this makes sense, but unfortunately that is not what ends up happening. But we will get to that part later. The first this we need to do is break this down. Ego, what is it? What is it for? Do we need it? Topics of this issue of Living Large.

Where is the boundary?

I have looked around for the rules pertaining to the ego.It seems there are a lot of assumptions or just out right misconceptions about what our ego is, and the purpose it serves. But, I...

Read more

temp-post-image

Who hasn't heard the word "potential" somewhere in a sentence with their own name? I use to hear it from teachers, at parent teacher interviews:
"She is doing great but easily distracted, I'm just not sure if she is working to her full potential"
...My full what?
For years I navigated my way through what that meant. To do one's best was always subjective to me.
Who determines what my best is? If there is a best that I am not aware of, then how do I become it? How does someone else decide what my potential is?
These questions were formed out of frustration (and maybe defiance) but they sat with me for years while I sorted it out.
Seeing the best is this month's issue of Living Large.

Recognizing The Best

When looking at the people we love it ...

Read more

temp-post-image

How many of us have said, or heard the phrase “I am so disappointed in you." No matter which way that phrase presents itself, it cuts a deep wound in one's soul. Or at least it can feel that way.

Sparks the question; what side of the fence is it better to be on when it comes to disappointment? Is it easier to be disappointed in something or someone? Or to be the cause of someone else disappointment?
Yikes!
(Just the thought of having to break this down leads me to wonder if this article is going to work out... I mean... what if...)

In the world of perception which scenario is easier to take and how to handle either side of disappointment is our focus in this month's issue of Live & Learn's ~Living Large.

Recognizing Disappointment.

Here's the truth about disappointment.
Can you really be disappointed, when you set yourself for disappointment?
We toss the word disappointment around as if it is this super common thing, but it's not. Let's break down what we think we know about disappointment.
Disappointment is presented in two ways:

1-Our thoughts and expectations are not met

When we set out to achieve a goal, or take action on a new idea that we believe will produce the desired result and it doesn't go as planned, by refusing to take the lesson and instead focusing on the loss, is what we sum up to be a disappointment.
Disappointment in ourselves can feel really horrible, and leave a hopeless feeling where the hope use to be.

2- The thoughts and expectations of others are not met

The expectations that are set are what leads to someone letting you down, or you letting someone else down.
Either way that goes, it comes down to is having to live up to (what is thought to be) someone’s expectations, this can set in motion a lot of fear. When in reality, those expectations are usually perceived and made bigger and bigger by our wonderfully imaginative minds.
Feeling that you have disappointed someone, or that someone has disappointed you comes with the phrase "I had a feeling this would happen" which forms such thought processes as 'if you want something done right...'

CONTINUE READING THIS ARTICLE

temp-post-image

Failure..
Sounds pretty final, doesn't it? It feels like someone is saying it your a terrible, unloveable person.
We have been taught that to be a success means to achieve or win and that in the world of success there is no room for failure.
Growing up with that mentality would certainly lead to a very complicated perspective on what failure actually is, or how it could possibly benefit us.
Instead what we are held captive by is how our inabilities result in our "failure's."
With what we are up aginst, NO WONDER we see it as a fear of failure!
What failure is really all about is this month “Living Large”

Recognizing Fear of Failure~VS~Fear Of Success

The first thing to recognize is what exactly
we are really afraid of, and where this fear comes from.
There are two types of people in this world:

1-A Person who fears failure

This person may try a few things, and if/when it doesn't work out, they get gun-shy and sometimes becomes too afraid to try something new again.
Generally, they look at failure as though they are letting people down. This, over time, results in a lack of confidence in their ability to make big decisions. They live by the "play too safe" mentality which can be a good thing, but in the world of failure, it tends to take on a far more dis-empowered meaning. These people often feel "lesser than" and/or, that the world owes them something.

2- A Person who fears success

This person understands that failure is always a risk factor, and will participate in actively seeking out opportunities that will result in either moving them forward with what they want or learning how to do it differently in their next attempt.
Generally, these people view failure as part of the learning curve with their ventures. This is not to say they don't prefer accomplishing a goal, it means they respect the idea of a well planned and sought after a vision. While maintaining the idea of “what doesn't kill you makes you stronger”
Often these people are very hard on themselves, (perfectionist) and feel it is the things they 'do' that define them. These people often feel alone when running after a big dream, as they forget it's okay (and expected) to ask for help.

CONTINUE READING THIS ARTICLE

temp-post-image

Positive Goal Setting?

It is hard to imagine that there are anything other than positive goals.
As we start a new year we are either filled with hope that this new year will bring us one step closer to our dreams, or we are passive as every year seems to be the same.

This is a special edition of the newsletter. It's the start of a whole new year! Hopefully, that means more than just changing a couple of numbers when writing the date.
Those of us who do not make resolutions, despite our feelings about "New Years Resolutions", inside we do make them in secret, even if it is as much as "This year will be better than last year!" With the right tools, it will be.

At one time or another when confronted with the start of a whole new year, we don't want to create new years resolutions, as we believe it is nothing more than setting ourselves up for disappointment. Well... the funny thing is, if that's how you think, there is a good chance that's how it will happen.

In this month's "Living Large" we will talk about how to set realistic goals, how to face challenges in 2014, and what our goals can tell us about ourselves.

Recognizing the goals that set us up for a win, from goals that don't.

New Years Resolutions should not be daunting. It can be a lot of fun to look at a whole new year with the idea that anything is possible. There is a method to setting goals, and depending on how "in alignment" we are with ourselves will result in the types of goals we set, and how we respond to the accomplishments and challenges.

1-The far-sighted goal setter:

The idea of "shoot for the the stars and you'll hit the moon" is understood that "the stars" is part of a much bigger plan. Their ultimate vision year after year is "the stars". With every year they set goals for what they want to accomplish on the way to the stars. They understand that they won't get there overnight, but are willing to take the time to inch their way towards their goals, with progress coming each time. They set goals that are challenging enough to keep them focused, but not out of reach and unattainable.

2-The short sighted goal setter:

The same idea "shoot for the stars and you'll hit the moon" takes on a whole new meaning. This group aims so high with no regard for all the space in-between where they currently stand and "the stars". These people usually set goals to please others. They end up setting the bar so high before learning how to jump, they miss the bar almost all the time. Often they are left feeling unaccomplished, which validates they don't deserve to achieve the goals they are setting. This lack of understanding around goal setting eventually results in fear towards setting goals altogether. In their opinion, "shoot for the stars" is what other people do.

CONTINUE READING THIS ARTICLE

temp-post-image

This can be a really tough topic, as there are many misconceptions as to what it means to be "In Alignment." It is easy to notice the challenges that being aligned with one's self can bring. While looking at alignment and how it fits with the human ego, in conjunction with the natural laws that govern our world, I came to a very fundamental conclusion about alignment, what it is, what is means, how it helps us and how it hinders. A deeper look at Alignment, the myths, and the facts are discussed in this months issue of
~ “Living Large”

Recognizing When you're in Alignment, and when you're not.

When it comes to living in alignment we can get a bit lost, or overtime, completely lose sight of exactly what we want to be aligned with. As day to day life gets the better of us, it is easy to fluctuate from one end of the alignment pole to the other. Shifting from "in alignment" to "out of alignment" often happens really fast, and has many variables.

1-When we are In Alignment

Living in alignment isn't easy, it takes a lot of focus and confidence. When we are living in alignment we understand words like; integrity, self-worth, passion, belief, and trust. A person who is aligned with themselves is hard not to notice, they carry themselves with such a breath of fresh air it can be inspiring. Often we gravitate to these people in hopes to discover their secret.

2-When we are Out of Alignment

Living out of alignment is probably easier, but the trade off gets us acquainted with words like; unfulfilled, envious, unsure, skeptical, and untrusting. When we are out of alignment we tend to not trust ourselves, and leave many big decisions in the hands of others as we fear we'd make the wrong decisions. And, often the decisions we do make are to please others, as gaining the acceptance of others is a quick bandaid to the "living out of alignment" issue.

Continue Reading This Article

temp-post-image

There is a duality to everything in life.
We can not have light without dark, we can not have up with our down, we can not have left without right. There is always a duality, it creates balance and provides us with the gift that once we grant a purpose to something,
(deciding what is up)
there is an instant and
immediate counter side created.

The science behind that is obvious, we can not recognize "down" without the awareness of "up"
both words would be meaningless.
Fact is fact, and as such, it would go against our
fundamental laws of nature to call ourselves our own worst enemy, without also being our own best friend.
In this month's issue, we take an in-depth look at Self Sabotage why it's there, what to do about it, and how self-sabotage is really serving you in your life.

Recognizing Self Sabotage...
Some of us may be very well acquainted with what Self Sabotage is all about. However, it is important to review the criteria and characteristics of Self-Sabotaging behavior. Self Sabotage presents itself in two ways:

1- A Person who always looks for the next "quick fix"

This is a person who tries every diet known to man to lose weight but refuses to actually just go to the gym.
This could also be a person who stays in an unfulfilling relationship, or better yet, goes from one unfulfilling relationship to the next wondering why all the people they date or get involved with treating them poorly
Or, jump from job to job because of its easier to leave a job feeling unappreciated then to speak up and ask for a raise. Or always on about how if it weren't for other people interfering, they would be more "successful."
Their lack of self-worth creates the feeling of being left out and overlooked.

2- A Person who always puts others before themselves no matter what.

This person lets opportunities pass them by as they are likely too afraid to stir the pot, or go after what they really want in life because, well...what if someone else needs it more?
These are usually some of the nicest people in the world.
And aren't they?
(so kind, to not say anything about what they need, as they wouldn't want to hurt your feelings by expressing how they feel. Instead, they can just harbor their idea's of a situation until one day they freak out.)
Very giving, to a fault. They often determine their self-worth by what they can do for people and often end up feeling taken for granted or unappreciated.

CONTINUE READING THIS ARTICLE

Read more