Bound By Boundaries


There is a lot of back and forth with boundaries, oddly enough this topic looks an awful lot like a yoyo, one I see a lot of people stuck in.
When asking people what the purpose of boundaries are, I notice a trend in it being an outward projection of how people want others to behave instead of how they want to evoke personal change.
On top of that, at what point do they stop being boundaries and start being limitations?
We need boundaries, it is important for us to teach our children how to function as self-sustaining adults that treat others with dignity and respect!
That's not what everyone means by setting boundaries?
If we aren't setting boundaries for our kids in order to get along in the world, then who are we setting boundaries for? At what point does it go from setting a boundary for ourselves to be successful in an area, to becoming a limit set in place to pass off accountability for our lack of success in that same area? Or a limit for a goal we don't necessarily want but feel we should reach.
Setting Boundaries is this month's issue of ~Living Large.

Recognizing Boundaries
This is a tough subject, but one that needs some clarity. We all have our own rule book, that we are allowed to alter at any time, that states just how far we are willing to go until something need to change. We put boundaries (or rules) in place to keep out chaos and keep in self-fulfillment. Sometimes those lines get blurred but setting boundaries fall into one of two categories:

1-Boundaries that enhance our lives:

This form of boundary setting is designed to keep the momentum going in our lives. It's what helps people reach the top of the proverbial mountain, while they are still on the ground sorting out what they need, and how they want to proceed. There is a rhythm to setting boundaries that get us from one point in our lives to another because we are dedicated to an outcome that needs to have boundaries and rules in place to keep us focused on attaining whatever it is we want.

2- Boundaries that take away from our lives:

We set these boundaries to make it easier for us to pass off the responsibility onto others. It is scary sometimes having to be fully responsible for yourself. Picture an Olympic gymnast setting their sights on gold. This person will need to make changes to their sleep patterns, diet, exercise, recreational activities, and lifestyle to achieve this. Positive boundaries would allow that person to put those restrictions in place for themselves, negative boundaries would be putting all that on his friends, calling it "support" and then when they fall short of their goal it is easy to say, "Well, you guys shouldn't order pizza when I am around" or "You guys kept me out too late". Putting boundaries in place that are designed for others to hold you to is only a way for you to limit yourself, and not be accountable for the outcomes you're hoping for.